


A Calming Respite (Is Not All It's Cracked Up To Be)

by baranduin



Series: No Night Is Too Long [7]
Category: No Night is Too Long (2002)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-14
Updated: 2010-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-06 06:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baranduin/pseuds/baranduin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivo is sure it's a good thing that he and Tim are apart during the summer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Calming Respite (Is Not All It's Cracked Up To Be)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the fanfic100 community challenge #033--Too Much.

It's a good thing I've had to leave Tim for a few weeks, that there is an enforced separation between us. I wonder if he realizes I'm glad to be gone away from him, and not just gone but about as far away as you can get, geographically speaking. It doesn't seem likely that he is, though he did have a few choice words for me once he figured out he wasn't to come on this trip with me after all.

_"You're glad to go, aren't you? Can't you just say it?"_

His voice cracked with something resembling pain when he hurled that accusation at me, though I'd have to be a complete idiot to think there was much more than the hurt of a spoiled child who cannot get his way. I don't think I'd seen him make his eyes so large and round before, and that's saying a lot. For someone who doesn't spend much time on his physical appearance and who appears to be without that particular brand of vanity (it is a saving grace of his), he certainly does enjoy using his big beautiful eyes as a weapon of seduction and persuasion.

It didn't work though, not that time. I do wonder if it would have worked if I'd been able to secure him a cabin on the Favonia (I did try); that is, would the outcome have been different? Would he be here with me now, or did he just want to be invited? Would I have gone through with it and asked him or would I have judged it better not to do it? Ridiculous that all these differing scenarios keep unreeling in my head.

I hate to admit this, but it makes me ill to think about the whole thing, just as it was making me ill to have him in the house all the time. Don't know how much longer I could have gone on without a break, pretending to be cool and distant, making sure I didn't go to him too many times in one week. What would have constituted too many times, I wonder? I don't know, but I knew I mustn't be there always, as much as I wanted to be. I never stayed in his bed the entire night, always stealing away some time before dawn. And no, I never sat up in bed and watched him as he slept.

As it was, the fact of him in my life had become more than I could cope with, even within the stringent boundaries I had set for myself. So it has been a very good thing that I shall have these weeks away from him. There is a certain sense of being able to breathe deeply again, and it's not just the cool astringent quality of Alaska's air.

I cannot help wondering, though, how he'll greet me when I return, or even if he will greet me. Perhaps I shall be the one to greet him. Will he be there, waiting for me at the house, or will he still be in N, at home with mummy, chafing no doubt under her control but acquiescent as always (except for the occasional short, sharp rebellion that is easily quelled).

He quite likes being controlled. No, that's not true; there's nothing "quite" about it though that is one of those meaningless words he favors so much. The truth is that he loves being told what to do and how to do it, especially by me. It's not just me holding the reins. He does allow me to take control and guide his twists and turns. At least, so far he does. Who knows what effect our separation will have. After all, I won't be the only one who is having the opportunity to breathe freely, even if he doesn't have the benefits of the Alaskan air. Not sure that would do anything for him anyway.

It's very odd, isn't it? I thought that I was with him too much, that I had to regulate how much time I spent with him, and now that there is an absolute absence, I'm overwhelmed with it and cannot get it out of my mind. Even when I'm going over my notes or getting acquainted with this first set of passengers, he's always there in the background of my consciousness like a quiet but persistent musical score.

* * *

He almost knocked me over when I opened the door and walked into the flat. You see, that's another of his saving graces, youthful enthusiasm. I won't call it true love and longing for me though I can't deny that I long to do just that.

For the moment, I'll take lust, in all its forms (and then a few more that I'm sure Tim's red mouth will inspire in me). After all, you can't overdose on that, can you?


End file.
